By: Allie Joy Hudson
(Reader Discretion Advised)
Yes, Women Struggle Too
It worries me when people refer to pornography, or even lust, as purely a man’s issue. I can assure you that these temptations cross both genders.
In my own life, I’ve had to fight lust for years. I’ve had multiple female friends confide in me and share how they were bogged down in pornography, explicit fan fiction, trouble with wandering eyes, going too far with a significant other, and more.
Though studies have shown that, generally, heterosexual women watch porn with a partner rather than alone, there are many women who struggle alone. (And that also doesn’t discredit the struggle women face who do watch with a partner.)
This is not just a man’s problem.
When we discuss this issue as a guy problem, women who are already embarrassed by their lust are dealt a double dose of shame. They not only feel the weight of their sin itself, but they then feel as if they are struggling with a sin that shouldn’t even be an issue for them in the first place.
Women start to wonder if something is especially wrong with them, and then their sin pulls them into even thicker darkness and deeper isolation and disgrace.
How Much Porn?
It’s important to make ourselves aware of this reality. Let’s look at some sobering stats, courtesy of Matt Fradd’s The Porn Myth.
According to a 2013 study by Poulsen, Busby, and Galovan,
- 50% of female adolescents,
- 25% of women ages 18-34,
- And even 4% of women ages 50-65 have consumed porn in the past six months.
- About 2% of women watch porn multiple times a week.
Also, according to a major porn website’s 2014 statistics, 23% of their viewers that year were women.
In America, this number was 15%. This means that nearly 50 million American women were watching porn in 2014. (And this number is already five years old and is only from one site!)
These numbers are significant and should not be ignored.
What Porn Tells Us
So, what kind of porn are women watching? While this may seem a bit taboo, or even dangerous, to discuss, the answers to this question provide a great deal of insight into the heart behind why women are watching porn in the first place. Our cultural fixation to porn reveals our cultural longing to be known. And the porn we fixate on tells us a lot about the lies we believe and the longings that possess us. This is the only reason we need to ask where women are giving their imaginations and affections.
As we get into this content, I want to remind you to check your motives as you continue to read.
The New “Norm”
Ironically, misogynist porn is actually one of the more popular genres for female viewers. According to the same 2014 stats as referenced above, “rough sex” and “bondage” were on the list of the top 16 searches for women that year. These terms did not appear on the same list for men.
Why would women seek out something that depicts other women being used, shamed, and hurt? I think we’re seeing a cycle here. When we’re out in the world, seeing billboards on the side of the road, pop-ups on the Internet, shows on TV, it’s almost impossible to go a day without coming across some sort of sexual content. It fuels our postmodern society.
We are also in an era where porn is extremely accessible and series like Fifty Shades of Grey are mainstreamed and even celebrated. When BDSM (abusive) sex is presented as romantic or appealing, it’s no wonder so many women, longing to be known, seek it out. And then watching videos like this further turns its participants into objects of pleasure and desensitizes its viewers.
This has created a new norm which some women cling to, even claiming that the women in these videos are choosing to be treated like this, so it’s okay, and even empowering.
Being Pursued
Another main type of porn women are watching, on the opposite end of the spectrum as misogynist porn, is femme porn. This new genre emerged as a way to make porn something that a female could invest in more comfortably. Femme porn is marketed as follows: Rather than just being used for their bodies, the women in these films are seen as desirable rather than as an object and are slowly seduced.
I think femme porn really strikes a chord with its female viewers as they live vicariously through the women they’re watching. Women long to be desirable and to be worthy of time, effort, care, and love. Also, people want to be pursued, cherished as beautiful, and seen by those around them.
This genre takes advantage of those good, godly wants and needs and turns them into a charade, an act we can fantasize about.
A “We” Problem
As I’ve discussed above, there is a range of reasons that many women turn, in the dark, to pornography and lust. Whether that’s
- pressure from a partner,
- insecurity,
- a desire to perform better,
- addiction,
- temptation to lust,
- a yearning to be seen
- a need to be respected and loved,
- an outlet for a dark sexual craving
- or an escape from daily life…
- and even boredom
These things are not unique to the female sex. These are human desires and struggles. Read the list again. Can you relate to these things, even one or two of them? Though they sometimes reveal themselves differently, our deepest longings and needs are not isolated by gender, nor are the sins we pursue.
Porn and lust are not “he” or “she” problems. They are “we” problems. We are all fallen people, created to crave intimacy, yet so often looking for it in things that will truly only hurt and deceive us. But Jesus gives us all freedom, just the same.
So, as you, in your own life, strive to fight well against pornography and lust, be aware that there are many brothers and sisters fighting alongside of you. Be aware of what you’re placing before your eyes. Be aware of the way you discuss porn addictions. And please, be aware that your sin impacts everyone around you. Let’s work to uphold grace, dignity, and compassion.
Cherish yourself as Jesus cherishes you, and cherish those around you.
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Allie Joy Hudson is first and foremost a daughter of the King. She has been with Proven Men for over a year and serves in the position of Content Manager. Allie graduated from Liberty University with a Bachelor of Arts in English and minors in Spanish and Psychology. She completed her Senior Honors Thesis on the presentation of postmodern sexuality in short fiction. She enjoys reading, writing, playing the viola, singing, theatre, and photography. Allie is passionate about her ever-growing C.S. Lewis collection, cultivating relationships, and proclaiming truth in the twisted arena of postmodern sexuality. Allie lives in Pennsylvania and is overjoyed to be married to the love of her life.