Utilizing the 3 R’s as part of the Proven Path for winning the battlefield of the mind – Tackling Tempting Thoughts
by Joel Hesch, Founder of Proven Ministries
Introduction
In the battleground of everyday life, every man faces the lure of lust. It’s all too easy to drift into fantasy or secretly enjoy sensual thoughts—from those seemingly harmless sexual fantasies, second glances, or undressing women with your eyes.
However, it’s crucial to remember that lust always carries consequences. As the wisdom of Proverbs 6:27 starkly reminds us, “Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?” This proverb illustrates that turning to the temporary pleasures of sexual fantasy not only robs you of lasting contentment but fuels unquenchable desires that eventually lead to deeper sins with higher costs.
Flee—Don’t Flirt with—Temptation
Finding yourself addicted to porn or having affairs doesn’t just happen. It starts with temptation and lust. You have to win the battle over lust, or it will tug you into deep dark waters. Besides, Christ warned that even looking at a woman with lust is a form of fornication or adultery. (Matthew 5:28.)
The Scriptures provide both a warning and wisdom. First, the admonition is simple and direct: “Flee from sexual immorality!” (1 Corinthians 6:18). God knows our weaknesses, so He tells us not to flirt with or give an inch of ground to lust. Rather, flee quickly and decisively from tempting thoughts.
Second the eternal perspective: “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20.) This directive is not merely about avoiding sin; it’s about living a life that actively encounters, relies upon, and ultimately glorifies God.
3 R’s
So how does a person tackle the flood of tempting thoughts without giving room for lust?
In the heat of the moment, it’s hard to look away and stay away from lustful thoughts. You need a gameplan. Here’s a strategy that I teach to fellow Proven Men, which I refer to as the 3 R’s. On its face, it’s quite a simple concept and easy to learn. If you embrace the 3 R’s, it will guide you to victory. But you need to put in the work—hard work!
In the same way, we learned the basic 3 R’s in school—Reading, ‘Riting, and ‘Rithmetic—there are also 3 R’s for effectively tackling temptations and lustful thoughts: Recognize, Ruin, and Replace.
- Recognize the Sin
Recognition is the first line of defense against temptation. Most men don’t fully realize how frequently their eyes wander or their minds slip into lustful fantasies. Challenge yourself over the next few days to be mindful of your gaze. Are you taking second looks? Do your thoughts drift toward sexual fantasies? You might find the frequency of these occurrences startling.
There’s a common misconception about what some well-meaning people refer to as the “three-second rule,” which suggests that looking at a woman turns into sine if you stare for at least three seconds. Baloney! There is no time threshold for lustful thinking. Manmade rules such as these trivialize the serious nature of lust by implying there is a safe “grace period” for sin. In reality, sin takes root in an instant. The key is to recognize these moments and thoughts right away; the moment when they start happening, not after an arbitrary countdown.
Practical tip: Be on the alert for when you start drifting into fantasy. Take inventory throughout the day regarding what your mind is thinking or where your mind wanders. The key is to recognize it right away and not wait until you find yourself looking at porn. Don’t delay even three seconds. Recognize each lustful thought the moment they begin.
- Ruin the Moment
Once you’ve recognized a lustful thought, the immediate next step is to ruin it. Ruining the moment means decisively choosing not to entertain or dwell on the thought. This action is supported by 2 Corinthians 10:5, which instructs us to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
To ruin a thought effectively, you must reject it outright as soon as it appears. This requires a mental shift from indulging fleeting sexual thoughts to actively dismissing them. It’s not merely about avoidance; it’s about confrontation and denial of these intrusions into your mind.
Place a bouncer at the door to your mind that refuses to entertain lustful thoughts. Turn them away right away. Destroy them.
Practical tips: When a tempting thought enters your mind, such as sexual thought or vivid images tell yourself: “I take no pleasure from you!” If that doesn’t immediately work, blink your eyes to remove the image. The key is to relentlessly refuse to accept an ounce of pleasure offered by the fantasy. Stop it in its tracks. Don’t give it even three seconds of pleasure.
- Replace the Thought
So far, your game plan is to instantly realize that you are lusting and put an immediate stop to the tempting thought. However, merely blocking or avoiding sexual thoughts is insufficient to live in lasting victory. An empty mind is vulnerable and can easily revert to old patterns. The tempting thought keeps knocking at the door, promising you instant pleasure. Fighting against it lasts only until you run out of willpower. Think of it this way. Tempting thoughts are like a marble rolling around in your head. It doesn’t just stop or go away. You must remove the marble.
That’s why there is another, vital step that you must constantly incorporate into your gameplan. The third R is replacing the thought with something Godly. This is crucial. The replacement step also follows the instructions in Scripture. For instance, Colossians 3:2 advises you to “[s]et your mind on things above, not on earthly things.” This directive isn’t just about avoidance; it’s about transformation. When you replace an impure thought, focus on something that aligns with biblical virtues. Philippians 4:8 provides a perfect checklist: whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy—these are the things we should think about. This practice doesn’t just fill the void left by rejected thoughts; it enriches your mind and aligns it more closely with the mind of Christ.
Practical tips: Have a gameplan in advance with things you will replace lustful thoughts, such as praying for fellow Proven Men, listening to praise music, reading the Bible, and writing out a love letter to the Lord. The more you replace lust with healthy thoughts the more you are transforming (and training) your mind.
Making it Work
Applying the 3 R’s—Recognize, Ruin, and Replace—is a dynamic and proactive strategy to combat lustful thoughts. But it must be every time and for every lustful thought. Begin by recognizing each lustful thought as soon as it occurs and acknowledge it as detrimental to your spiritual health. Then, actively ruin these thoughts by rejecting and dismissing them immediately. Finally, replace them with thoughts that elevate your spirit and bring you closer to God.
The 3 R’s is hard work. It can be exhausting. But know this, every encounter with temptation is an opportunity to strengthen your spiritual resilience. Therefore, don’t be discouraged, but rejoice that even though you will never be perfect, each new temptation is a new opportunity to turn to and rely on the Lord.
Each time you successfully apply the 3 R’s, you reinforce your commitment to purity and integrity. This process is demanding and requires constant vigilance, but it is also deeply rewarding. Don’t think of it as a scorecard but as new opportunities to grow.
Personal Reflection by the Founder: The first 3 months after declaring that porn and masturbation were no longer options in my life and that I would do whatever it takes to put them to death were the hardest battle of my life. But now it has become a way of life. I’m still tempted daily (if not each moment) to lust or drift into fantasy but having tools and other men in my life for support makes all the difference. I know myself; I am alert to the fact that I am tempted daily and remain committed to practicing the 3 R’s every day for the rest of my life here on earth.
Conclusion
Consistently practicing the 3 R’s will transform not only your mind but your entire spiritual walk. As you turn away from lust and all forms of sexual sin and move toward God, you will find that the hold of temptation weakens and your capacity for godly thoughts strengthens. This is not a quick fix but a lifelong journey of renewal and commitment.
Adopting the 3 R’s as a gameplan is a quick way to remind yourself about the tools you now have for tackling tempting thoughts. What’s more, you can share this with your accountability partners to help them too. You can use this simple acronym to remind each other to keep practicing the 3 R’s as a way of support and encouragement as they face daily temptations just like you do!
Let us stand firm together, supporting one another in our shared journey toward freedom from sin and toward a deeper relationship with God. You’re not alone in this fight; we are brothers in Christ, united in our pursuit of holiness.
Another day we will discuss how to create other gameplans and other strategies for dealing with temptations, but for today and every new today, make practicing the 3 R’s part of your new Proven Life.
You got this. I believe in you!
Your fellow Proven Brother in Christ, Joel