A special thank you to our “Talk to Your Kids about P*orn” podcast episode guest Drew Boa!
THE POWER OF FIRST MENTION: HOW PARENTS CAN SHAPE THEIR CHILD’S UNDERSTANDING OF SEXUALITY
Why the First Voice Matters
Many parents hesitate to talk about sex and sexuality. They might feel their children are too young or not know where to begin. But both research and experience show a crucial truth: The first time your child hears about a topic—especially sex—is the most influential. This is known as The Power of First Mention.
Foundations are Formed Early
When kids hear words or ideas for the first time, they build their core understanding from that moment. Imagine your child hearing the word “masturbation” from a friend at school. Even if that friend has wrong information, they still gain authority just by being first. The same goes for words like “pornography,” “abuse,” or “LGBTQ.” If you don’t introduce these terms, your child will learn them elsewhere—most likely from peers, media, or the internet. And those sources may not have your child’s best interests in mind.
Silence isn’t Protection
Some parents think staying silent creates a protective bubble. But silence leaves a vacuum, and culture will fill it. Waiting for the “right time” can actually make your child more vulnerable. Our sexually charged world won’t wait for you to start these conversations. Kids encounter sexual messages through commercials, YouTube ads, or school bus talk—often earlier than you’d expect. Studies show the average age of first exposure to porn is as young as eight. Without your guidance, children can get confused, misled, and even harmed.
How to Start the Conversation
So what should you do? Start the conversation—and do it in age-appropriate ways. With young kids, keep it simple. Use terms like “good pictures” and “bad pictures” to talk about pornography. Explain that some parts of the body are private. Let them know it’s okay to feel curious, but there are right times and places for everything. Don’t shy away from accurate terms. Words like “penis” and “vagina” aren’t dirty—they’re part of the body and deserve respect. Teaching these words helps protect your child from predators who rely on confusion and euphemisms.
Openness builds trust
Your honesty protects and empowers. When you make it normal and safe to talk about sexuality at home, you become the go-to source. Your child learns they can ask questions without fear or shame. This openness helps prevent the secrecy and shame many adults still carry from childhood. Countless grown-ups struggle today because no one had honest, safe talks with them about sex.
Its never too late
If you’re starting later than you wanted, that’s okay. It’s never too late to build trust. Ask your child what they already know—or think they know—about sex. That gives you a chance to gently correct misinformation and meet them where they are. Be honest. Apologize for not starting sooner, and let them know you’re here now, ready to walk with them.
A gift that lasts a lifetime
The power of first mention is a gift you can give your child. It’s not about one “big talk.” It’s about starting 101 small, meaningful conversations. Start early. Stay consistent. You’ll shape your child’s view of sexuality in a healthy, confident way. You don’t need all the answers. You just need to be the safe place your child turns to.
Start the conversation today!
